but right now, it's how I feel. And for whatever reason, I feel it needs to be somewhere you all will see it.

I'm sick of this.

I'm tired of being the one everyone can count on. Because at the moment, I really don't feel like I can count on any of you. I'm referring to my housemates, in case you're wondering. So peeps back home, you're safe. I'm not yelling at you all. Though I need to vent, so I appreciate you reading if you still are.

I'd drop anything and everything if one of you was in a bad spot, short of things I can't do, like drive. And I feel like I have a few times. But it never seems to get repaid. All of you are too busy with your own shit to help me deal with mine.

I can't miss a single class, because no one else is in my classes or the ones that are miss so fucking much I can't get notes from them. Not only can I not get notes from them, I have to provide notes to them. I'm doing it all on my own, taking notes for two, and it's not fair. And part of why I got so pissed off a few weeks ago about it is the girl who is getting notes from me acted like it was a huge inconvience to take me to the class both of us are supposed to attend. I get there is other shit going on, but that doesn't have to be just your shit, but that's another story.

The martial arts treasurer said she'd go with me, but something came up for her last minute. But can I count on my other officers, or even my friends who are in the club? No. "I've got homework papers/tests etc." Like I fucking don't. But I went to the budget meeting alone to make sure we can actually have our god-damned event. Yeah, I waited last minute to ask. But no one ever gives me much notice when they come to me for help.

I'm so fucking close to the point where I don't want to offer help to any of you anymore. And that's terrible. But when I'm drowning in my own shit in over my head, even when I flat out ask, I don't get the help I need. So why fucking bother.

But will I actually stop helping all of you? No. Why? Because I'll feel guilty about it.

This semester has been hell for me, and it's like none of you even care. And I know I probably don't have it the worst off out of our group, but I feel like I'm struggling to stay afloat.

I've never not wanted to come back since I've found you guys, and yet here I am, wishing I would have, could have, stayed home.