First Kiss

He was a puzzle. He still is. Some days I feel like I make progress, other days it feels like a tornado swept through and tossed all the pieces around, and I'm back to square one.

If I wanted my answer, I had to play his game. I just wanted to see if I could get him to open up. I wanted to be his friend. He made it a challenge, for sure. But it never made me want it less. I tried every tactic I could think of. Said something once about him being a lost cause. Didn't seem to phase him. It was like he was expecting me to give up. I wanted to understand why that was. I knew there was more than he was willing to show. But I can't deny the fact that I was attracted to him. Still am attracted to him. He just captivated me. I'd never really noticed guys since I'd been here. I mean, I knew they were male. And I knew I was similar enough that it could work. But I just wasn't interested.

It was his eyes, though. Those cool, blue eyes. They did remind me of Rio's, in the color. But at the same time, I knew I was dealing with a completely different man. There was a knowledge there that was beyond me, despite what I'd seen. What I'd been through. Yeah, I was 19 at the time. Not that I'm much older now. But where I'm from, in some areas you grow up fast, in others, they shelter us. And I couldn't help picturing what it would be like.  At the time, it was just physical. The love would come later. This was just want.

It took me a bit. To figure it out. He never did just come out and say it. What he thought was a fair exchange. What he'd give information for. I still don't know what compelled me to do it. To want to get that close to him. It wasn't just because he needed it, though I thought he did. I liked talking to him. He didn't seem to mind listening to me whine about how confusing life on Earth could be. And...I wanted to know why he was the way he was. Maybe I'm just too damn curious.  I know I'm glad I didn't give up.

"Have you ever been kissed?"

I thought at first he just wanted to know. I hadn't been. The only other person I'd ever wanted to kiss died before I ever got the chance, with how things were at home. We would have shamed our families and been tossed out of the military if we had carried on like that while I was in training. He was an assistant training officer, Rio. It was inappropriate for them to have that relationship with a new cadet. Not too mention I was 14 and he was 17. But once I was out, we could get things started. Go through the long, drawn-out process required back home. His ship blew before it left our atmosphere. I watched. I never got the chance. It made what I was going to do for a living real for me finally too.

"Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And no. I haven't.

"Well, at least it has that going for it. Because, no offense, there really isn't an attraction factor here. I'm not sure what it is. But that's what I want. I'll be an open book for the rest of...wait. Make that the next two hours. It's going cheap, get it while it lasts."

It was the attraction thing that made me figure it out. He wanted to kiss me. He wanted to kiss me. He wasn't attracted. I got that. Why should he be? I'm not human. I have the ears and tail of an African serval, and a weird nose. Like it's trying to be human and feline at the same time. By their standards, I'm a freak. I was pretty back home, and from a fairly well-to-do family. So I was desirable for that. But here, it didn't mean anything. I was just a strange girl with an odd fascination with cats.

I agreed.

Attraction wasn't a factor for him. It was for me. I felt my heart do this weird, stutter-step, and it was getting hard to breathe as he stepped up close. I felt myself tense up like I was ready for a fight. Like I do anytime I face something new. Training kicking in. But I knew in my head I was okay. Didn't mean I wasn't nervous. And I kind of felt like he was playing with me. Letting me feel that tension.

"Not....not really sure what I'm supposed to do."

"Whatever seems natural."

As he tilted my face up with both hands, I almost started to feel dizzy. And my heart did that odd little jolt again. I was way beyond butterflies in my stomach at this point. I couldn't quite get a full breath.

"Um...okay."

Then his lips met mine, almost too light to really be touching, but still electrifying at the same time. I felt every muscle tighten with nerves. But as the pressure of his lips against mine increased, I felt myself relax. Then his tongue flicked over my lips, and I opened my mouth to try and breath.

He smiled. It was what he wanted.

But instead of breath, I felt his tongue in my mouth. Just behind my teeth. It was different from mine. Smooth. Mine was rougher. Not quite as much as a cat's, but I guess we hadn't evolved out of the sandpaper feeling all the way. His hand slipped down to my neck stroking my throat, and my skin felt like I was standing too close to a fire. But somehow, I didn't care that I was getting burned.

I still wasn't sure what I was doing. I put my hands on his waist. I couldn't help hesitating, but I started to mimic what he did. I slid my tongue over his lower lip.

I purred.

No joke, I started to purr. He pulled away after that, but scraped my lower lip with his teeth as he did. It took a bit for me to clear my head. His voice was different.

"So..." He clears his throat, and sounded more normal. "What do you want to know?"

I still don't know why I did it. But I'm glad.